Confidence and How I Faked It
Today’s topic is about something very near and dear to my heart and something I’m still struggling to overcome myself: confidence and how I fake it on a daily basis. I’m about to get super vulnerable so strap yourselves in.
Confidence can be such a minefield of a topic to tackle. All of us have different insecurities, different lives, different obstacles, etc. To claim that there’s a single solution would be ignorant and wrong. I’ll use myself as an example.
In the last two years, I feel as if I’ve done so much growing personally, spiritually and emotionally and with good reason. For the first time in my life I moved out of the house, I did “big girl” things like pay rent and bills, I had a job in my field, I moved out even further to California… There were a lot of growing pains the last two years and it was hard. I’ve made a lot of genuine friends and left behind a lot of fake ones. I’ve had to push myself to pursue personal creative endeavors. I’ve had to put myself out there, which is step number one.
Putting Yourself “Out There”
I’ve been blogging on and off for the past two years and it’s something I’m confident about because I studied English. Naturally, writing is something I’ve always loved! This blog is by far my favorite little creative endeavor and I’m so incredibly proud of it. The fact that all of my friends read and support my content makes my heart so full. So, yeah, being confident about my blog comes easy to me. However, there are other areas I’m not so confident in.
As many of you know, I have a YouTube channel. I love vlogging, creating videos, editing, creating thumbnails - the whole shebang. But it is absolutely terrifying for me, not to upload the video, but to tell everyone that I “vlog.” It’s this feeling of “who am I to tell people to go watch my pointless little videos?” Don’t get me wrong - I pour my heart and soul into my videos as much as I can. Vlogging is still something I’m trying to get comfortable with. I want to have these videos to look back on, to have, and to show my kids one day. It’s a little piece of my life I get to have forever! It’s more than any photo.
I feel like everyone these days wants to be a “YouTuber” because it’s “easy money” and it’s the cool new thing to do. It feels like everyone nowadays has a YouTube channel and wants to be a vlogger/blogger. That platform has now become so crowded. It’s got me thinking “will I still want to keep vlogging when it’s no longer popular?” Which I think I will since it’s really just a hobby. I would love to create a career out of blogging and vlogging and create a strong, supportive community but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped pursuing a dream because I wasn’t confident enough to put myself out there.
Putting yourself out there, taking risks, and possibly making a fool out of yourself is all a part of chasing something that’s bigger than the day-to-day normalcies we tend to chase. And I hate doing it. I hate promoting myself. I hate thinking that I might fail or that people will secretly laugh at me because I’m trying to pursue something out of the norm. It may sound stupid, but so many people from high school still follow me on Instagram and whenever I post stuff an update about a new video or blog post, I cringe a little bit because I don’t want people to laugh at me. NEWSFLASH: Nothing great ever came from comfort zones. Some of the most successful people in the world were once laughed at ridiculed for their ideas. If you’re going to be laughed at, it might as well be because you’re pursuing your passions.
Everybody’s Faking It
Everyone, even the most famous, popular, well-known individuals fakes their confidence at some point in their lives - even when they’re at their most successful. I’m 100% sure of it. I remind myself of this when I start doubting myself in any facet of my life.
I love taking photos and exploring and luckily I get to do all of that with Edwin. This brings me to my next point: having a group of strong, supportive people is so important. Not just in your confidence but in your life. Surround yourself with Debbie Downers and Negative Nancys and you’ll never be happy, never pursue bigger opportunities, and never reach your potential.
I’m so lucky that Edwin pushes me to be the best I can be. Not only that, I now have a really strong group of friends here in California that share my content, support me, gas me up, and want me to succeed. It’s so important to have a support system around you that wants the best for you. Soon you’ll go from faking your confidence all of the time to genuinely feeling confident because you know there’s people out there that want you to succeed.
Faking your confidence is easier said than done. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out on shoots and start nitpicking my body, the lighting, my outfit, my chubby face, etc. It’s not healthy to overanalyze ourselves that much! I’ve mentioned in past posts (if you’ve followed me for a really long time) that my anxiety gets triggered so easily. As soon as I start feeling uncomfortable I start doubting myself, I start feeling silly for thinking I could be a “blogger” or that anyone would care enough about my content to read it or watch it. I get annoyed because I don't have that "blogger body" so why would anyone want to take advice on how to dress from me? Don’t let yourself become your own worst enemy. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do.
So, yeah - everyone fakes their confidence at some point. And that’s fine! Some days are easier than others. My biggest motto in life is just to “try.” Try anything. Try everything. You never know where it might lead you. I constantly remind myself of this.
Tackle That Fear
Fear can suck up so much of our confidence and we let it happen without realizing it. Guys, when I tell you I literally had almost zero confidence in myself up until about a year ago, I mean it. Everything in my life had sucked my confidence out of me: abusive relationships, failed jobs, failed friendships, and teenage humiliation to name a few. With the help of my friends and family, I built myself back up. I still have a lot of building to do, but I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago where I was having multiple panic attacks a month. Previous failures can easily prevent us from wanting to pursue new dreams and it’s so sad.
It’s still really weird to me when I get texts and messages from my friends telling me “you exude confidence” or “I love your personality.” I'm all like "I was the annoying, weird, artsy girl in High School with zero self-worth. What are you talking about?" Don't let who you were dictate who you want to be or how you see yourself. Before you know it, you start faking your confidence for so long that it just becomes natural. Soon other people notice and then suddenly you realize they are starting to see you the way you want to be seen. Little by little you build the foundation upon which you will build all of your dreams. There’s absolutely no reason to let fear stop you from achieving anything you want to achieve.
If you have any tips for helping other practice their confidence or have a story about your journey to feeling confident feel free to leave them in the comments down below. Let’s create a safe space for others.
Thank you all so much for reading and I can’t wait to see you in the next post.
The Honest Pisces