How to Handle Seasons of Change
I feel like it’s been too long since I wrote an entry that was a bit more vulnerable. I sometimes forget that I started this blog as a place to share my thoughts and emotions. It sounds so silly when I say it out loud but I have hit a creative wall (which I’ll be speaking about in my next post) and i just feel like I need to have a moment of truth. To be completely honest, naming this post “How to Handle Seasons of Change” feels like a little bit of a lie. Even I don’t even really know how to fully handle change. It’s overwhelming and scary and such an unavoidable part of life. One way or another we all come to know it.
Since my fiance and I decided to move to Chicago, I’ve been hyping it up on my YouTube Channel and thinking about all the cool blog posts and content I could create. To an extent I’ve been observing this massive life change behind a camera - trying to make it some cool, exciting thing instead of letting myself live in the moment and process the fact that this is terrifying. I’m reaching this point in my life where I think “I’m getting married next year, I’m trying to start my career, Edwin and I now have major responsibilities together, we’re going to try to have kids in the next few years… Do I really have time to keep up with a silly blog? Am I dumb for trying to have a YouTube and be creative? Is this a waste of time? Does the next phase of my life not have room for this sort of thing?” I can’t describe what I feel as anything other than discomfort. Discomfort that I have to pursue a new avenue of my life. Discomfort that I might not be able to have time for my hobbies anymore. Discomfort because I don’t know what the future holds. And that’s how i know I’m growing.
I had my moments during our road trip when I’d think to myself “wow, we’re really moving.” But it wasn’t until we got here and we didn’t have our own place to live, didn’t have jobs, and had very little money left that I had that oh shit moment. The great thing is that we wasted very little time trying to get things in order. We ended up finding an apartment after only a week and we move in the first of the month! We got so lucky because we were approved for our top choice! On top of that that I’ve also been invited to have an interview for a teaching program I’m trying to get accepted into. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it anywhere yet but I’ve decided to pursue a career in Elementary Education! So i’m currently in the process of trying to get into the Chicago Public School System’s program for education which actually pays you while you do your teaching residency as well as pays for most of your Master’s Degree. It’s a pretty big deal. And I’m pretty damn terrified because I’ve never done any of this before.
It’s so easy to become stagnant - to become complacent. I became so complacent at my last job that I let two years slip away. I accomplished nothing professionally. I also didn’t really know what I wanted a career in so i had zero direction. I don’t think I knew it at the time but California wasn’t good to me emotionally. Which is crazy because at one point I really thought I’d found the place I wanted to stay forever and raise a family. But - things change! Life is just a series of changes, giving us the opportunity to move forward and make the best of shitty situations if we choose to do so. Some people never change. Some people choose ignorance and stagnancy over evolution. Or some people aren’t ready for change yet.
These pictures are totally unrelated but that just goes to show I’ve taken no new pictures since arriving in Chicago lol My overalls are from target and you can find them here!
As far as tips for coping with your seasons of change, here’s what I’ve learned:
Just Embrace It
Like I mentioned before change is uncomfortable. You’re thrown out of your element. You have to learn new things. You have to get used to new norms. But let yourself have your ups and downs. Have your moment of weakness and then hype yourself back up because you got this! It’s hard and I still struggle with that but this can be the fun part if you let it be. Change is the part of your life where you gain experience and knowledge! Besides - nobody wants to live a life where they never did anything.
Communicate Communicate Communicate!
Boy, do I SUCKKKKK at this step. I’ve gotten a lot better at communicating but it’s still nowhere near where I want it to be. I have a particularly hard time communicating with Edwin. I’m such an emotional and anxious person that I overthink every little bump in the road, every action, every gesture… I’m a Nervous Nellie in every sense of the word. I also feel like my problems aren’t worth discussing and I’ve had a hell of a time trying to talk myself out of that! No problem is too small. Don’t bottle things up. If you’re going through a tough season of change with a partner or spouse it’s important that the other person knows how you’re feeling. 9/10 times they’re feeling the same way you are. There’s no reason for you to feel alone.
Grab The Bull By The Horns
Sometimes I feel like a fairy - I only have room in my body for one emotion at a time. Most of the time that emotion is fear or anxiety. I struggle greatly with pulling myself up off the ground and carrying on. I’ve done it a couple of times in my life like when I got laid off two and a half years ago and decided to move the first time! Or moments when I needed to be strong for Edwin. But on the day-to-day scale I’m pretty shitty at it and unfortunately that’s the one that matters most. Sure - having what I like to call your “big hero moment” once every few years feels good but what matters is showing up everyday and doing it. And I want to be that person that takes a situation and doesn’t break down but instead asks “how can we solve this?” For myself and for my family.
I know a lot of my friends and family are going through change. Some are getting divorced, some are moving away, some are having kids, some are dealing with loss, and some are starting new careers. Some of you are stagnant and want change! To whatever season you’re in or about to embark on - take a deep breath and ride the wave. Make the wave your bitch if you have to! You’re in control of more of your life than you may think so make the most of it.
WHEW! I feel a little bit better having gotten some of that off my chest. And I know once Edwin and I move into our place and have our routine it won’t feel nearly as scary as it does now. If you have any tips on how you deal with change or just want to share your story, please do so! I love reading your comments and I don’t get them often.
Until next time!